Recovery/ The first week

So, I had Kaiden on the 18th. The next day, I went to surgery at 11 am and had my tubal ligation. They only had to tie off the right side since the left side was tied when I had my ectopic pregnancy back in November of 2000. Kaiden also had surgery that day while I was in pre-op. He had his circumcision done. Bless his heart. The rest of the day, Kaiden was really sleepy thanks to the sedation. He was a little fussy when changing his diaper, but not bad. The day of my surgery I felt fine. Much to my surprise, I wasn't sleepy. In fact, I woke up on the way from the surgery suite to recovery. When I realized I was on my way to recovery, I told the nurses that it was weird b/c I had a dream that Dr. Reidy was telling me that my son's surgery went well. I remember her talking to me and telling me that he had the surgery done and that he did just fine and he was going to be sleepy that day, etc. It seemed so real, but when I realized that I was on my way to recovery, I figured I must have dreamed it! I did great in recovery and was very talkative. All the nurses kept saying how sweet I was and that I was the nicest person they had had all day long. (ME??) Ha. Well, I stayed in recovery for a few min and then wound up going back up to my room. In the room waiting was Steve, Kaiden, my mom-in-law, and Becky. Surprisingly I was wide awake for the rest of the day. Didn't feel sore at all. I was up and down walking around. Moving around just fine. I got a little crampy when Kaiden would breast feed, but that was all. I thought, man this surgery was a piece of cake and recovery is going to be so easy. WRONG! Later that night I started cramping really badly. They brought me my ibuprofren and offered percocet. I refused the percocet, but took the Ibuprofren. It helped with the cramping, but I started feeling more pain. The next morning I was feeling what I thought was "gas trapped." So I went walking around trying to rid myself of the gas. I found out from Dr. Reidy that they didn't use gas, the pain I was experiencing was the site of the tubal ligation. It feels just like sharp gas stabbing pains. She told me I did need to walk to help with moving around. I continued to walk, but got more and more in pain, so I started taking percocet! It helped big time but makes me very sleepy! Before leaving the hospital on Tuesday, Kaiden had to have labwork drawn at 48 hrs post-delivery. They checked his bilirubin levels (which we already knew he was jaundiced a little, but since he was latching on and breast feeding so well, no one was concerned with it and thought the levels would go down the more he fed). The labwork came back and his levels were up to 11! I thought they were going to keep us, but said since he is feeding well that I could just go to the doc in the morning and have it redrawn. So, home we went. The nurse begged me not to formula feed until we saw the doctor. We got home, and I was still only breastfeeding until late that night Kaiden was still wanting to be fed every hour. I told Steve that he wasn't getting enough milk, that I must not be producing enough again. I decided to the bottle and formula feeding we would go. I didn't want him to wind up as sick from jaundice as Madison got just b/c I wanted to so badly breast feed. I started pumping and sure enough, I wasn't producing much milk at all!!! The first night was rough as he was still waking up every hour to feed. Changing his diaper is quite the task. He gets so ill when the clothes come off. He does NOT like to be cold that is for sure. Plus, going from changing a girl diaper to a boy diaper is so much different!!! We lay a wipe over his pee-pee so keep him from peeing on us! Steve and I have both been peed on a couple of times. And of course Kaiden has peed on himself a few times as well! We have to doctor the circumcision. It was easier at first b/c we had tubes of petroleum jelly that we could just "ring" around the penis head. Since running out of that, we are having to use the jar of vaseline. It is much harder getting it to "ring" around when we have to use our fingers to do it! And of course we have to put alcohol on the umbilical cord. It seems to be healing well (both the circumcision and the cord). I don't think it will be too much longer at all before the both of them are completely healed. I will be so glad when I can just take off the diaper, wipe, and throw another diaper on. Changing his diaper now seems like it takes 20 mintues!!! We took Kaiden to the doctor the next day. His bilirubin levels were up to 12!! So glad we started supplementing b/c if not they probably would have been even higher and he might have had to go back in the hospital. Doctor says he looks really healthy. He also made a reference to Madison that he could not believe that she was only two years old. I told him she was 28 months and he was in shock. He thought she was older! He made reference to how "big" she talks. Ha. Thanks to me talking to her all the time- it is paying off!
Now the last day in the hospital I received an email from a friend telling me that our bassinet had been recalled! GREAT! Kaiden is about to come home- and what is he going to sleep in. I tell Steve we could move the crib in the bedroom. He doesn't want to do this. He wants to just use the bassinet we have for a few days until we get a new one and I refuse. I tell him we have to buy a new one or the crib has to come in the room. I am not risking my child's life over this! We have no money, so they only option, get my MIL to buy a new one. So, we go home from the hospital and she cooks us supper. We eat, then all load up and go to Walmart. Only me & the MIL go in since Kaiden is not allowed in such places just yet (til he is 6 wks old per the pediatrician we saw at the hospital). It was hard walking all the way back to the back and around. I was hurting so badly. We found a bassinet and bought it. The next day after going to the doctors' office we had to stop back by walmart b/c I had forgotten to buy formula! Other than those ventures, we have been sitting at home. Doing a bunch of nothing. I take my meds and it makes me sleepy. I sleep when Kaiden sleeps. Both Steve and I are in la-la land with a new baby around. We both hold him constantly and I told Steve I dare him to tell me I am holding him too much or spoiling him. This is my last baby and I will hold him as much as I want too!! I am still really sore and in a lot of pain. Today is the first day that I have spent the entire day awake!!! I actually got online and updated some stuff and put up some pics!!
Madison did really well at adjusting to the new baby. She loves him. Wants to always hold him, kiss him, hug him, help change him, feed him, bathe him! She is super sweet to him always telling him "it'll be alright". Ha. She is super sweet. She actually broke my heart last night b/c Steve has been putting her to bed. She has been allowing him to do things with her that she would only let Mommy do before I had Kaiden. I told her last night that I would come in her room and give her night kisses once I got done tending to Kaiden. She told me no that her daddy would put her to bed that I need to watch bubba. This broke my heart into a million pieces and I just cried. I have cried several times b/c I have been so busy with him and so sore from surgery that I can't do much of anything with her. And it saddens me since she was my world before he came along. And I don't want her to feel like I don't love her anymore. I love them both equally and want to spend as much time with the both of them as possible. I only hope I recover soon so that I can start doing more with her.
Today was the first day of jealosy that I saw in Madison....
She was sitting next to me while I was holding Kaiden. I had him sitting up looking at us. He was alert and kept looking at me and I was talking to him. Madison kept grabbing my chin and turnin my face towards her saying "no, look at me" and then with her other hand she would start stroking my hair. She did this numerous times. It was kinda sad. Cause I would look at her for a few min, but then I would have to turn and look back at Kaiden too since he was alert and looking at us! And she continued to do and say the same thing over and over again. Then I noticed the regression. I put together the Rainforest floor gym and laid Kaiden on it. Steve and I got in the floor to "play" with him. Madison was in her room playing and came in the livingroom and joined in on the fun. I got up and left them all in there to go pump. Madison eventually came in the bedroom with me and Steve and Kaiden followed shortly there after. Madi was singing to her karaoke machine and we were dancing/singing with her. Laughing- it was so cute! Kaiden kept looking at me and Steve of course was making references about "lunch/milk,etc". We went back in the LR when I was done and Madi laid down on the floor gym playing like a baby! I played with her. I did tell her that that was actually a baby toy, and that she played with big girl toys like her dolls, stroller, and laptop computer, etc. But I let her play in it anyways b/c I didn't want to hurt her feelings. The I laid Kaiden down for "tummy time" on his blanket. Madison had to lay on her tummy too and was copying everything Kaiden did- raising her head looking from left to right. When I laid him on his back, she did the same exact thing! On her back she went. Then we gave him his bath. She kept trying to help bless her heart. She wound up putting his drying towel in the bath water. Had to get a new one. Steve kind got ill with her for it and for constantly trying to help. I asked him to please be patient with her b/c she just wanted to help and participate and didn't know any better. I told him I was also noticing signs of jealousy and didn't want her feelings to be hurt, so please be kind & patient with her. So, he said no more to her, and I let her kinda half way help even though with him not being able to actually sit in a bath tub there isn't much help that she could do really. Once we were done and clothed him, she wanted me to give her a bath the same way I did bubba. I didn't entertain this idea. I told her she was a big girl and that big girls took showers and baths in the tub! That bubba was a baby and had to take his baths like this until his boo-boo on his belly button fell off. Then he would take baths in the baby tub like she did when she was a baby. I have noticed her several times put his pacifier and his bottle in her mouth!!! I stopped her both times I caught her doing those and told her no that those were to be put in bubba's mouth only. That she wasn't a baby and only babies used those things.
It upsets me that she is finally starting to show that she is jealous. I do not ever want her to feel that either me or Steve don't love her anymore. I don't want her to resent her brother. I want them to grow up and protect each other and be close to one another and love each other! I want them to have a great relationship just like I want to have a great relationship with each of them.
I just want my recovery to speed up and get over with. I am ready to get back to bouncing around everywhere. Doing housework, playing with Madison, tending to Kaiden. Going places and doing things!!!
I am bored at home doing nothing. I have decided that I am not going to devote a lot of my time to Myspace, Bellyhood, Cafemom, e-mail, or this blog. I will get on probably daily and check things, but it is going to be while the kids are napping or after they go to bed at night. I am not going to spend my time on the computer or watching tv. I am going to devote myself to being a wonderful wife & mother! I want to make my house clean each day, provide clean laundry each day, cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner each day!! I want to spend time playing games and playing with toys with my children. I want to spend every moment watching Kaiden grow and develop! I want to spend more time with Madison teaching her ABC's, 123's, colors, and shapes. I do not want my children to be parented by anyone else or by TV. My daughter has watched a lot of Tv and movies. She has learned a lot from them I will give her that. She watches, pays attention, and learns. But I don't want her to learn everything from them. Don't get me wrong, I have spent lots of time talking to her, reading to her, and teaching her things myself. But I want to spend more time with her. She has already proven she is a very beautiful, talented, intelligent little girl. I want to help her continue along this path to one day become a beautiful, talented, intelligent grown woman. I want to be every part of that that I can be. I also want to help my son grow in the same way. I want to have a close relationship with them.
So, that being said, I can't say I will update this blog very much at all. If I continue to have a problem with putting too much time on the internet, myspace, bellyhood, blog, etc. I will delete them all.
I am only hoping that my hubby will chose the same path as me. I have watched him play his COD: world at war game daily since we have been home from the hospital. Pretty much from the time we get up to the time we go to bed. A lot of times he stays up hours after I go to bed to play. It is sad. He has made some friends on there and he talks to them more than he talks to us. He seems ill, cold, and distant when not playing his game. Sad, but true. I hope he sees how he does. I haven't said anything to him yet. But I do plan on talking to him soon about it. In fact, the next time he is ill with us- and talking pleasantly and laughing with his buddies on there... it is over with. I am his WIFE! The love of his life! And he has children that need him and want to spend time with him. A son he needs to be developing a relationship with...
So I am not going to sit back and watch him devote his time and laugh and cut up with buddies on an online game of call of duty..... only to snap at me & his children and be ill w/ us because he is having to do something with or for one or all of us. It's not right. He should WANT to spend time with his family, not resent us b/c we take him away from some damn stupid game.
Okay- so I have vented on this enough. I am done and maybe will update one day again soon.